1. |
I'm a Ninja
02:27
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5 years… that’s a lot of time / For you to not have noticed that I only dress in black
When you hold me close / My throwing stars must poke you
When you kiss me don’t you wonder why I always wear a mask
But you don’t pay attention to little things like that / You never paid attention to me
I bet you didn’t know I was a ninja, didja? / I’ve been an assassin since before you were born
I bet you didn’t know I was a ninja, didja? / I should have seen this coming all along
My life, is always on the line / For you’d I’d slay an army so I go out every night
And when I come home, covered in blood / You never ask about my day or help me clean my blades
I can take my bear hands and rip a man apart / I can handle any weapon, but not this broken heart
I bet you didn’t know I was a ninja, didja? / I’ve been an assassin since before you were born
I bet you didn’t know I was a ninja, didja? / I should have seen this coming all along
My identity’s a secret but I never lied to you / I live in shadows but I’d never hide from you
I’m proud of all the men I’ve killed with nunchucks and ninjitsu
I bet you didn’t know I was a ninja, didja? / I’ve been kicking asses since the day I was born
I bet you didn’t know I was a ninja, didja? / And I bet you haven’t noticed that I’m gone
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2. |
Never Been Better
02:48
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This has got to be the worst day / I’ve ever had
There have been lots of awful days but / Looking back they don’t seem that bad
How many times have I said that? / How many worsts have there been?
And how much longer until I have to / Sing that song again?
Things have never been better / Things are always the same
Take a look where you come from / And you’ll see nothing’s changed
It’s another movie with the same old plot / The setting is different, the ending is not
Things have never been better / Things have always been bad
I’m slumped into the couch / You’re headed for the door
We haven’t had a fight this bad / Since we had this fight before
I scroll through the news for distraction / And it reads like a history text
Like Nostradmus watching bukkake / It’s easy to see what’s coming next
And all of our favorite movies are fucking reboots /And all of our favorite shows are goddamm reruns, too
And our favorite kind of mistakes / Are the ones that we’ve already made
And we refuse to learn a lesson / And we always vote incumbent
And we always sing the chorus / Like ooh la lala ooh lalala la la / ooh la lala ooh lalala la la
Ooh la lala ooh lalala la la / Ooh la lala ooh lalala la la
Ooh la lala ooh lalala la la / Ooh la lala ooh lalala la la la
Things have never been better / Things are always the same
Take a look where you come from / And you’ll see nothing’s changed
It’s another movie with the same old plot / The setting is different, the ending is not
Things have never been better / Things have always been bad
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3. |
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I drank half a box of wine all by myself.
And then I drink the other half cuz it was almost out
I might be alone but I'm having a good time
Drinking box wine, binge-watching true crime
I'm binge-watching, binge-drinking, binge-living, take it all at once
I’m binging all my binges can I fit another binge in before I'm done
I got a DM from Kaeleigh with an "E-I-G-H"
She plays the ukulele and she's learning to skate
I don't know how old she is but she's younger than me
And she's already everything I've ever wanted to be
Now we’re binge-watching, binge-drinking, binge-living, take it all at once
Binging all my binges can I fit another binge in before I'm done
I got problems / I don't want to address
I try to stop myself but / There's always one more thing I gotta ingest.
My life’s a mess
I'm binge-watching, binge-drinking, binge-living, take it all at once
I’m binging all my binges can I fit another binge in before I'm done
I'm binge-watching, binge-drinking, binge-living, take it all at once
I’m binging all my binges now I'm bursting at the hinges and I'm done
I’m almost done
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4. |
A Dream About You
01:51
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I had a dream about you / I had a dream I had knives instead of fingers
I had a dream I was fronting a ska band / I had several dreams in a row
I had a dream about you
I had a dream about you / I had a dream my teeth revolted
They jumped outta mouth and went on a rampage / It was bloody but my teeth were so clean
I had a dream about you
And a bunch of other things / I had a dream about you
And I don't know what it means
I had a dream about you
I had a dream about you / And you were the last person on Earth
And I was dead too but I haunted your glasses / And I could see the world through your eyes
You have some really bad eyes
I had a dream about you / And it was like the Gift Of The Magi
I sold my watch to buy you a hairbrush / And you sold your hair to buy drugs
I had a dream about you
And a bunch of other things / I had a dream about you
And I don't know what it means / But I hope that it comes true
I had a dream about you
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5. |
Friends of Friends
03:28
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I met you on a dating site / We went on a date one night
We said it wouldn't be a hookup / Then it was
I never saw you again / Now we are just Facebook friends
We follow each other / Just because / it'd be awkward / if one of us bailed
Will you be my friend forever / But never call or text me
I swear that I won't hit you up / If I ever feel lonely
Will you fill my feed forever / I promise I'm not creepy anymore
You've moved on and I've moved on, too / But I'm happy I still follow you
You always post the greatest memes / And gifs
I like the pictures of your art / I think it's cool that you're LARPer
Is that you and your nephew or / Your kid (do you have kids?)
Will you be my friend forever / But never call or text me
I swear that I won't hit you up / If I ever feel lonely
Will you fill my feed forever / I promise I'm not creepy anymore
If you're bored, I'm not an option / But if you need some likes, I got 'em
Don't hesitate to tag me / Any time
We can count on never hanging out / You name will never leave my mouth
And if we should ever part / That'd be fine / (that'd be fine)
Will you be my friend forever / But never call or text me
I swear that I won't hit you up / If I ever feel lonely
Will you fill my feed forever / I promise I'm not creepy / anymore
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6. |
Close Enough
02:58
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Close enough, to touch your butt / I didn't touch your butt, but I was close enough
Close enough, to touch your butt / I didn't touch your butt, but I was close enough
Have you tried to touch a dream / That was almost within reach
Just to watch it turn into steam and dissipate?
I was dreaming of you / When you drifted up to me
I wish I'd found something to say / Before you walked away
When I was close enough, to touch your butt / I didn't touch your butt, but I was close enough
Close enough, to touch your butt / I didn't touch your butt, but I was close enough
Is time a one-way street / Or a winding, open road
Can I turn this thing around / And go back to you
If I can't change time / I need to find a different way
I'll manipulate my space / Until we're standing face-to-face
And I’ll be close enough
You’ve got to embrace the moment / Clasp your hands don’t waste the moment.
Get proper consent and take the moment
Say “oh my gosh, I like you so much / You’ve got a good, good butt, can I please have a touch”
Oh my gosh, just one touch, / Not just because I like butts but because I like you and I'm…”
Close enough, to touch your butt / I didn't touch your butt, but I was close enough
Close enough, to touch your butt / I didn't touch your butt, no I didn't touch your butt
No, I didn't touch your butt / but I was close enough
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7. |
Ride or Die
03:42
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I want to make a mistake, I'd like to make it with you.
I've thought of all of the stupidest things I can do.
And there's nobody who I'd rather do them with
Than you.
And there's a lot of stupid things left undone / We can do
Because you're my ride or die / Hop on the pegs on the back of my bike
We can ride all night / I hope we don't die but if we do I'll be here by your side
I'd rather make a mistake than make pasta fasul.
It less of a pasta and more of a stew.
There's some pasta in there but there's beans
And there's vegetables, too.
Let's go do some dumb things / Forget the bean vegetable gruel.
You're my ride or die / Hop on the pegs on the back of my bike
We can ride all night / I hope we don't die but if we do I'll be here by your side
I want to make a mistake but I'm hungry now, too
I could go for some breadsticks, how about you?
Let's hit Olive Garden and order some pasta fasul
They'll treat us like family while we think of something to do
You're my ride or die / Hop on the pegs on the back of my bike
We can ride all night / I hope we don't die (x3) but if we do I'll be here by your side
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Timmy Miano and the Constant Distractions Springfield, Missouri
My name is Timmy. For the past 20 years I've been writing songs to make myself laugh, cry, and more often than not feel ashamed for having written them. From 1999-2012 I had sideburns and performed as Angry Panda. Then I shaved them and discovered there was a real human living inside of me and not just a parody of one, so I stopped using a fake name. ... more
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